BALANCING EXPECTATIONS – Youth Navigators

COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT 2020

How might we balance expections?

BALANCING EXPECTATIONS

As youth from ethno-cultural backgrounds it is often difficult to find a balance between cultural and personal expectations. It is even more difficult when there is a difference in communication styles. Therefore, we find it important to begin a conversation about the lack of communication and finding ways on how to balance those expectations.

Throughhout the summer of 2020, Youth Navigators engaged with youth in the community exploring the following questions.

Click on questions to find out what they learned! Want to contribute your thoughts on this topic? Take our survey below!

ENGAGEMENT TEAM:

ABDIRIZAK IBRAHIM

SAHRA SIAD

Q: How difficult do you find it to balance your cultural expectations with your own personal expectations? Why?

Many of the respondents often find it difficult for them to balance their cultural expectations with those of their own. The part that they find the hardest is that their cultural expectations don’t line up with the ones that they have for themselves, they do not agree with parts of their cultures. However, there were a few responses where people felt that it is not hard for them to balance the two because their cultural expectations line up with their personal ones or another case was that they believe that their cultural expectations come before their personal ones. From the responses I learnt that it is a different case for everyone, on one end of the spectrum you have those who find it extremely difficult to balance the two expectations. Responses such as: “I feel the main difficulty is when I try to balance the collective view that comes with a ethnic background. Whereas growing up in Canada we are often made to look from an individual view.

So keeping both of them in balance is difficult for me, suggesting that it is fairly difficult to manage the two and being an ethnocultural individual living in a Western society comes with this constant battle of trying to find out who you are. Often people don’t want to completely get rid of their cultures but at the same time they don’t want to feel alienated while living in Canada. On the other end of the spectrum you have responses such as: “ It’s not difficult Because culture always comes first And my personal expectations have to do with my culture expectations so it’s not that difficult” which suggest that some individuals do not find it hard because they believe that their cultural expectations hold a great significance in their lives that they are intertwined with their personal expectations. However, there was one response that didn’t fall between those two ends of the spectrum: “It’s not difficult Because I try to stay away from my culture perhaps” this response suggests that this individual may not incorporate their culture into their daily life, this could be because of reason unknown. It is unfortunate to see this because I find it important for individuals to have a cultural background for a healthy diverse society. Reading through the responses has made me question if there was a significant moment that you've realized that cultural expectations differ from your personal ones. I think an important thing that the community should take away from these responses is that it is not easy to be from an ethnocultural background living in a Western society. The belief that kids living here have it easy is not true and just adds extra pressure on youth.

Q: How can we further develop communications between parents and youth?

Many of the responses suggested that to develop better communication it is important for parents and youth to talk to each other more. They think that if they spend more time together, talking, doing activities together and developing healthy relationships this can strengthen the communication between youth and parents.

One respondent suggested:

“By identifying the cultural gap that exists between them and trying to find a middle ground where they also understand the expectations and challenges that come with growing up in a western society”, which I think is a great way to start. If everyone becomes more understanding of one another and their situations then they’d be able to have better communication.

Another common response mentioned was the importance for mutual respect alongside allowing for individuals to have their opinions.

Responses such as:

“letting parents know that they are the ones who need to respect their kids opinions and just because they do not agree that does not mean that their kid is rebellious”

suggest that a roadblock that prevents good communication is that youth are unable to develop their own opinions and beliefs because they would be looked as being rebellious if they do not align with their culture or parents opinions. This is a result of a lack of respect, it is important for parents to respect that their kids can have their own opinions and they need to understand just because those opinions may be different from the norm that does not mean that their kid is being deviant.

A question that sparked for us while reading through the responses was 'why is it hard for individuals to accept that others are allowed to have opinions of their own even if they are different?'

An important thing that the community can take away from this is the importance of mutual respect and understanding.

Q: What limits communication in family relationships?

Many of the responses suggested what limits commutation in the family is mostly about understanding each other and not doing what the other person doesn’t want them to do. I learned that the communication in the family is very important. A question I asked myself was what would happen to the youth if they didn’t have a limit to communication in the family? Would they do whatever they want because the parents are not given limits to what they can do?

Q: How can community elders help mentor you on how to balance expectations from families/community with personal desires/goals?

Many of the responses suggested how community elders can help mentor youth on how to balance expectations from family/community with personal desires/goals. Most of the responses we got to that question are from a translator most of the youth said they would like it if the community elder could translate between parents and youth. Something I learned from those responses is that I understand why most of them said that. It’s hard to communicate if you don’t understand each other so the youth that said they would like it if the elder could translate are those that forgot their first language.

Q: How can we start the conversation within the community about the lack of communication?

The responses from this question range from "I don’t know" to responses that suggested steps on how to take action. A common theme that arose was to bring awareness to the lack of communication, it could be through focus groups, meetings, or simply just having a casual conversation about it.

A great response was:

“By focusing on aspects such as listening and understanding before responding. Sometimes showing them the world from our lens to give them context. Maybe even a segment like do you know your child’s voiceAnd vice versa? Simple things like what do they like to watch, favourite sport, any hobbies? Getting to know your parents more than the typical story of how to came to Canada in 1993. These are usually stories we hear from our parents when we are adults and they are seniors. If only we knew this when we were growing up in the same household. It would’ve greatly helped understanding each other better”.

This individual's suggestion of just developing a stronger relationship between youth and parent can result in better communication, a divergence from the typical parent youth relationship where it is usually ‘I tell you what to do and you do it’ and moving towards a more understanding relationship. Other responses suggested events where the main topic to talk about would be the lack of communication, but at the events everyone would need to remove their bias and judgment before coming and need to be willing to hear others stories while empathizing with them. A question that came up for me was ‘Would youth be willing to attend these events’?

An important thing that the community can take away from these responses is that many individuals are willing to start to have the conversation about the lack of communication.

"By focusing on aspects such as listening and understanding before responding. Sometimes showing them the world from our lens to give them context."

Helen Rusich
Program Director
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Ali Mahdi
Program Director
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Chelsea Burke
Program Director
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Jaime Calayo
Community Engagement
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